Energetic Boundaries, Energetic Containment

Through some beautiful experiences, I have been really cherishing the true gift of sensitivity that lives in me and that naturally expands in love, music, communing with nature and within silence.

And as I become more aware of the subtle & energetic ways I am affected by things around me, I see how important it is for me to take good care of the energy I cultivate.

My values have been evolving and shifting in this last year of growth. And I’ve been realising the importance of holding clearer energetic boundaries for myself. This realisation has also come about through some painful experiences - the consequence of not creating those good boundaries.

As an empathic woman, I can say that setting ‘boundaries’ to protect my mental & emotional energy, my material and energetic resources, has been a challenge. My heart is often sensitive to what others are experiencing and often I naturally want to reach out to’ give’. Nothing wrong with that, yet sometimes I compromise my own sense of internal balance.

Like many of you I have often made space for other people’s wants, needs, and preferences. It has felt good to support other people in my life, and as a mother - to support my child’s every need. Yet I need to make sure I am directing that energy to love & life-force to myself as well, because otherwise I will inevitably feel depleted or confused.

I’ve noticed a tendency to respond to social invitations or requests from family or friends with a sense of obligation, expectation or a sense of wanting to be part of something.

The pivot has been to rather choose from a sense of whether something feels truly aligned. It’s about asking whether a choice is based on a “should'' or is it going to serve what I am cultivating in my life. In this way we check in to see if something is truly aligned - beyond any emotional attachments or sense of obligation or expectation.

Essentially, when we create good boundaries, we are less distracted and exhausted by people, places and things that drain our life force. We are then able to honour & maintain what we truly value in our lives, which opens the door to those experiences we really live for. It means we take care of ourselves, emotionally, spiritually, physically.

It’s not about over-thinking, rather it’s about really tuning into “what do I want” for myself in the sense of ‘what do I really value’.

*So how do we set clearer boundaries?

Everyday we are making choices that we can reflect on. I would say true learning requires that we look honestly at the consequences of our actions.

We can ask:

Does this support me or deplete me?

How does this conversation make me feel?

We look at the impacts, subtle and obvious.

I’m still seeing where I slide into habit rather than actually making a clear energetic choice for myself. For example - it can be as simple as whether I respond to a text, or even look at my phone in a moment of the day that might be better served by space and silence. How can I set clear boundaries for myself for how I open my energetic field to others - whether it’s via my phone or in-person?

Notice your habits and the energetic consequence that is created after doing something out of ‘habit’.

Does it uplift the energy or fragment the energy in the ‘field’?

Does it create more harmony or create a subtle disharmony?

All of this offers information and therefore guidance, if we listen.

It’s important to learn how to more clearly distinguish the sensory information in our body that will show a tangible sensation of ‘yes or no’. Of course many of us have these intuitions or somatic understandings, yet we can still get stuck in our minds - and override what our bodies tell us.

*Pause to digest & reflect - what are you feeling, what are you sensing, & how you want to respond.

I had a conversation recently with a client about how most of us women were not taught how to communicate clear boundaries as children. We have learnt by family, culture & society to say yes to things from a sense of obligation, rather than true choice.

Often women have been expected to sacrifice their own needs and well-being for others to avoid seeming ‘selfish’, or hurting others feelings or from a sense of wanting to ‘keep the peace’. Most women have at some point experienced their personal boundaries being disrespected, resulting in subtle or not so subtle forms of disempowerment or trauma.

More than anything, establishing and defining healthy boundaries is about sovereignty and personal agency. We are living in an era where we have more choice and therefore power & responsibility to make choices for our wellbeing. It’s important that we can discern where we put our energy and make good choices for ourselves moment to moment. Sometimes we can choose whether we go into a particular environment or social setting. Other times, whatever situation or environment we find ourselves in - we can choose to really anchor that inner life force as an energetic shield to maintain a sense of groundedness & clarity.

It's about knowing what we truly value, what feeds our spirit & what depletes it.

It’s about taking care of our energy, and saying no to things or people - even if that disappoints or annoys others. It’s about understanding & respecting that others need to do that too.

It’s about being humble to learn from our mistakes, and attentive to stay on track.

* It’s about presence, focus and a willingness to live life in its fullest expression.